Three months

It is hard to believe that tomorrow is three months. Three months of grief, guilt, fears, tears, and even (though hard for me to imagine at times) joy. In the midst of the holidays, I miss the times I won't have with Ryan. There is no first Christmas, no picture with Santa, no memories of our family of four at home, together. Ryan, you are ever present in my thoughts.

A Pair of Shoes

Author Unknown

I am wearing a pair of shoes

They are ugly shoes

Uncomfortable shoes

I hate my shoes

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step

Yet, I continue to wear them

I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad that they are my shoes and not theirs

They never talk about my shoes

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them

But, once you put them, you cannot take them off

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes

There are many pairs in this world

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt

No woman deserves to wear these shoes

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything

They have made me who I am

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has a lost a child