Blessings

"God, Our Father, once again, thank you for our blessings, amen"

Those are the words to the grace that Sean knows and lately they have been a wonderful, simple reminder for me. In the midst of our emotions and struggles, we have been blessed in ways I know we don't even fully understand. We have Ryan, right now, he is with us and he is ours. This journey has truly opened our eyes to the blessings in our life. We have realized what an amazing support system of family and friends we have surrounding us. It has given us the opportunity to work on and deepen those relationships. Ryan has also really helped us as a family spend more time together and realize how important our family is. Through the struggles, I have realized how amazing my husband is and how blessed I am to have him beside me through this journey.

This week marks my 25th week of pregnancy, which was a goal I set when we learned about Ryan's diagnosis. There was something about making it to this point that just solidified our decisions. It is hard to believe that it has been over 5 weeks since we received the devastating news. It is even harder for me to realize that I only have 11 weeks left, if things go as planned (which I know after everything, I probably shouldn't count on my plans). I just have it set in my head that Ryan is going to be born the first week of November. 11 weeks just doesn't seem long enough. In reality, there isn't a time frame that would be "enough" at this point.

This week has actually been a pretty good week for me, emotionally. This is a pretty big feat, especially considering that Scott had to have a day surgery procedure for kidney stones and was given IV sedation. I found it quite unnerving to have him wheeled of the room to go for the procedure and I have told him, that I don't like him being a patient. But we both survived and it seems like the procedure was a success (will know more in a few weeks) and hopefully kidney stones will be a thing of the past (pretty sure that Scott would second that!).

The rough moments this week have just been from interactions with strangers, who have no filter in regard to questions they will ask. A lot of people are fearful of even asking a woman if she is pregnant - not people around me, though I will give them a break - it is pretty obvious! I have become used to answering the basic questions - when is your due date, is this your first and boy or girl. I can answer those questions like a pro and don't mind because it is a little way of acknowledging Ryan. Today, though, I had a stranger who after asking those questions, proceeded to ask if I planned to bottle or breast feed! Seriously, does anyone else ask that of a perfect stranger. I don't even fully recall may answer, I just know that I managed to get one out. I don't think fast enough on my feet for it to even have been a good answer. There was a part of me that just wanted to look at her and say "I don't have to make that decision, because my child will likely only survive for moments at birth", but I didn't. The irritated part of me, still wishes I had said it, but I am glad I didn't, though the look on her face could have been worth it :)

My next check-up with the doctor is a week from today and I am interested to see how I measure. Physically, my body is tired. I went to sleep last night at 8:15, as soon as I got Sean to bed, and I will probably do the same thing tonight. I will post an update after my next appointment.