Difficult News

By now, you would think that I am pretty good at hearing unexpected news, but I am not. I can hold it together while getting the news, but then I just fall apart later. I had an appointment this morning with the perinatologist in regard to the gestational diabetes. She was not overly concerned because I barely had numbers that were out of the range of normal. For now, I just have to modify my diet and check my blood sugars. She even told me I could have a small piece of cake - of course, only on rare occasions, but still for me that was good news.

The appointment though did include some difficult news to take. A sonogram was done and my amniotic fluid level is low - 7.5, when it was anticipated to be 20 or higher. The problem is that Ryan is developing fluid around his heart and in his abdomen of an amount that appears almost equal to my amniotic fluid. This fluid could cause his heart to stop and the doctor things now there is a strong likelihood that he may not survive until delivery.

To some that news may seem minor, we already knew that Ryan would not be surviving after delivery. But for us, our hopes, dreams and prayers were that we would get to spend some time with Ryan alive. When everything else has been taken away, you learn to wish for those little things. I want to hold my son alive. I want to carry my son until 36 weeks, I know it is just a number, but for me it helps me feel like I have done everything I possibly could for my son and it gives my that much time with him. I wish I could find the words to explain what it is like to count down the life of your child and to cling to every moment.

Please keep us in your prayers. Please pray for Ryan, for him to have the strength to live to delivery if we were meant to have that time. Please pray for comfort and strength for Scott and I. We truly feel every one's prayers.