Six months since I held my precious, beautiful son. Six months and I don't even really known what I want to say. I want to scream and remind people that I have 2 sons! I want to shout Ryan's name. I want people to understand the depth of my grief.
I am so thankful for those who will say Ryan's name, it is music to my ears and brings a joy to my heart that is indescribable. Just to know he is remembered...
When I returned to work after Ryan's death, I carried his pictures with me just like any other proud mother. Most people did not ask about Ryan or mention his name, but it did not stop me, I shoved those pictures at anyone I could. Well, I would ask before I would hand over the photo album, but if someone wanted to decline the opportunity of looking at them, they didnt have the guts to say it. Some people may find it strange or even offensive to others to share pictures of a child who had died, but I honestly did not care. I was a proud mother and I wanted to share my beautiful son. I wanted people to acknowledge that my son existed. From the moment I learned of Ryan's diagnosis I was on a quest. A quest to ensure that my child would not be forgotten, that his story would not just be remembered but SHARED. That his name would be spoken. I struggle sometimes thinking about how I will achieve this when he already seems forgotten, when his name is already rarely spoken outside of my home.
I am so thankful for those who will say Ryan's name, it is music to my ears and brings a joy to my heart that is indescribable. Just to know he is remembered...
When I returned to work after Ryan's death, I carried his pictures with me just like any other proud mother. Most people did not ask about Ryan or mention his name, but it did not stop me, I shoved those pictures at anyone I could. Well, I would ask before I would hand over the photo album, but if someone wanted to decline the opportunity of looking at them, they didnt have the guts to say it. Some people may find it strange or even offensive to others to share pictures of a child who had died, but I honestly did not care. I was a proud mother and I wanted to share my beautiful son. I wanted people to acknowledge that my son existed. From the moment I learned of Ryan's diagnosis I was on a quest. A quest to ensure that my child would not be forgotten, that his story would not just be remembered but SHARED. That his name would be spoken. I struggle sometimes thinking about how I will achieve this when he already seems forgotten, when his name is already rarely spoken outside of my home.
Dear Ryan,
Six months ago I held you in my arms and how they ache for you now. I am still so very proud of you! And I am so proud to call myself your mother! I think of you all the time. It is baseball season, and I so wish you could be enjoying the games with your dad and big brother. We are a family of four and you will forever be carried in our hearts. I wish I could see you in heaven, see you healed, happy and safe in the arms of God. In my head I am so thankful that you are being held in the arms of your Father, but my heart still wants you here with me and your Daddy. I miss you every moment and love you so very much!
Love,
Mommy
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Its been 6 months for us too. I miss Addison everyday. I think of her everyday. We all talk about her. Be strong, when you want to be weak. Sing when you want to cry, laugh and live. He is watching, make him proud momma!
ReplyDeleteIts hard, I do know your pain. HUGS....Angie, Addi's momma.